Confessions of A Cheating Husband

Wow hello everyone! It's been months and months since I have wrote to you guys! I hope you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving. If you don't follow me on Facebook I'm sure you are wondering whats been up with me. Well really.. not much.. work has been kicking my butt. I work and sleep and occasionally hit the bowling alley haha.. I think I have been to like all the bowling alleys in the Manhattan and Bronx area haha.. and one in Harlem! So thats about it for me... well theres more but thats not what this post is about lol!

Today I come to you with a story! Every morning on my train ride home from work there is this guy that I have gotten to know. A married man who I find to be extremely intelligent and full of great advice! Just to let you know, in case you are wondering we do not take it past the train! I respect his marriage.

Today's convo started out the same as everyday. I ask how work was the day before and he tells me his day and vice versa. Then it always turns to my love life and the drama that goes into that (thats a whole other blog entry. Maybe one day I'll get to writing about it) Today though it wasn't about me! Today was about him.. He was telling me about how back in the day he used to not care and was dating single and married women. He started telling me about different relationships he had and sneaking in hotel rooms and the whole nine. Didn't surprise me..

While he is talking something just told me to ask him how long he has been married. He tells me 15 years. So I start doing the math in my head. I thought about how old he told me he was and go back 15 years. So this led to my next question..has he ever cheated on his wife? When I tell you this man started shaking! I knew I had hit a nerve.

The man goes to tell me about a coworker he was creeping out with. The whole time I thought he was about to cry. He starts to tell me how bad he felt right afterward and went home and asked God to please save his wife from him. He said he didn't want to ask for forgiveness but just knew he didn't want his wife to suffer and cause her any pain. Said he would deal with his own mistakes just don't let her get hurt. I was like wow thats deep.. Then he told me he did it more than once! I started to say now why when you were beating yourself up the first time. Then I had to take a step back.. It's almost like the little kid who steals a cookie from the cookie jar and doesn't get caught  so he keeps doing it.

So the whole time I listen and let him get it out. He then tells me I am the first person in life he ever told. He hadn't even told his best friend he cheated on his wife. This got me to thinking. Do I need a random stranger to get things off my chest? This man might be just what the doctor ordered! He has an unbiased opinion and I dont know him and he dont know me. I knew the only reason he told me is because he knows I dont know his wife or family..It was crazy I could tottaly tell how liberated and free he felt after telling me. He finally got it out his system. It was killing him inside. See sometimes thats what you need someone to vent to! While you love your friends sometimes they can be tottaly judgemental.. in a good way yanno. If they are your real friend they will tell you the truth even when it hurts. You got to love them for that but sometimes you dont want an opinion you just want to get it off your chest and someone to listen.

They say somethings you should take to your grave but it will eat you up inside all the way there. So today I found out about a man's infidelity and learned what I need to do with some built up issues I have.

So thanks for listening everyone! I will try to write again before the new year and recap my year for you guys. My first year in NJ! It was full of excitement lol.. okay not really but you guys have missed a few important things this year!

Have a good day everyone!

--Telly

Making the transition

So I've decided to stop all together getting relaxers.. I  have already cut back drastically on relaxers. For the past 3 years or so I was only doing a relaxer 3 times a year at the most. I wear A LOT of wigs so there really wasn't a need to get a relaxer. I have really been neglecting my hair and my hair is very damaged. While I still want to wear wigs and braids I will cut the chemicals and do a better job keeping my hair conditioned. Since moving to NJ I now have a great stylist who I am confident will help me keep up with my hair if I can continue to go back every 2 weeks or so. I plan on using my blog to keep you guys updated on the process! Wish me luck!! This week has already been very challenging for me.. I have been wearing my hair and tryin to keep it flat is making it difficult with the heat and humidity. I really dont want to put that much heat on it but maybe once a week but dang! That heat is a killer!! LOL... With a great support team I think I can get through this lol.. Below you will see a video of what I hope to achieve in the next 10 years or so..

Have a great day everyone!

--Chantel

Fear

I never in my life felt a song until I heard this. Listen for yall that think Drake just a rap/singing actor yall need to listen to his lyrics and not the radio stuff but his mixtapes. I wont go into deep detail on how this is incorporated into my life because I said no more depressing blogs.. So what am I going to talk about is fear itself.

Lets start with what Wikipedia says fear is :
         


Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger.


Okay so lets think about that.. it is an emotional response to a perceived threat.. So looking at fear in real life.. lets say that I like a guy and the guy doesnt know it .. is it FEAR that makes me never willing talk to him or is it being scared of rejection? and is being scared and fear one in the same? hmmmmmm something to think about.. and when does fear become lazy,unmotivated,humdrum? Is it a thin line? I would say so. Some things in life I go back in forth with am I scared or lazy? Scared to Fail? Fear? Shy? Hell I don't know what category to put it in! What I do know is you can get nowhere in life being that way! No where at all! I suggest everyone to go out today and do something you've feared doing! I'm going to take my own advice as well!


See ya!


--Telly
xoxoxoxo


        

When is Sharing Not Caring?

          So I realized that.. more people read my blog then I thought. So I will try to update it a lot more. Today's blog is about sharing too much information..When does it become not caring about your friends feelings? So I subscribe to a lot of my friend's Youtube channels.. The other day I was browsing and saw one of my friends posted a new Vlog. I saw the title and kinda already knew what it was about so I start listening to this video and notice this fool is telling ALL MY DAMN BUSINESS!! Now of course this was years ago what he is speaking of and not relevant to today, but shoot everybody didn't need to know about what I did when I was 19! I am sitting here in shock like did he HAVE to say my name?  Why couldn't he say "my friend from back in the day" or something along that line? While I don't mind if friends pull from past experiences in which I was included in.. I would like to remain anonymous!

          Now I know I mention Robbin's name in my blog but its simple silly stuff like we went to the mall or she challenged me to this or that. I don't get on my blog and be like Yeah, last night I saw Robbin scratching her crotch and asked her why(*sidebar* never seen her scratch her crotch) .. Now if I did that Robbin would be horrified! You have got to know the limits of what is okay to say in your blog/vlog/letter etc.. Please people.. use some confidentiality for your friends for goodness sakes!!

    So this is the end of my rant. I hope you all are having a fabulous Monday. I am going to leave you with pics of the new Hello Kitty wine! I am soexcited cant wait until it is available for purchase online!

xoxoxo

   -Telly

You can find out more about the wine at Hello Kitty Wine

Lost..

Did you ever have an "I don't know" moment? You don't know where you are going...how to get there...where you are coming from...what to do or worst what to think?  I am so having one of those moments.. One hand there are certain aspects that I love right now about my life.. One is.. I am surrounded by GREAT people up north that I believe have my best interest at heart. I find myself not sitting in chatrooms as much and getting out.. I actually love the weekends because most weekends im not home! For this I am very happy and very grateful for.. on the other end.. everything else is a wreck.. from work to where I live etc... The thing about it is while many think I share too much on facebook and other social medias.. there are a lot of aspects of my life I don't talk about.. 1 because I don't want to deal 2..because I am ashamed and 3.. Did I say I don't wanna deal with it? I am finding though more and more.. I am pulling away.. because things are starting to crash in.. crying a lot more.. but smiling in front of everyone else.. but on the flip side i'm very moody too.. Im sure people could see that last week.. Like I said I have great friends and I know they wouldn't judge me but I don't need to hear what I already know I need to do but don't want to do it lol.. Thats the thing about life..it takes you so many places.. Its up to you on how you make it and/or deal with what is thrown your way!

Another thing.. I hate how I look.. I no longer want to be in pictures.. like this past weekend people wanted to take pictures and I didn't want to.. faking it.. then seeing the pictures and remembering why I didn't want to take a picture in the first place. I don't feel attractive at all anymore.. not in the least bit.. and its funny because i'm back working out again and that always makes me feel better about myself and thats not even working this time.. I think I am really about to have another episode where I pull away from people again..ugh hate to say it but its coming.. Maybe one day ill learn to talk about my feelings like normal people instead of keeping it bottled in.. today isn't the day though..

So this will be my one and only depressing blog.. Just needed to type :) Have a great day!

Wow! Seriously just met one of the wackiest people ever

      So tonight I was at my neighbors house.. now they warned me that they had a guest coming over and that she was talkative.. but MAN was I in for it.. Okay lets forget the fact that she told me she had ADHD about 50 times... She goes into telling me how she wants to write a poetry book and also wants to do a photography book about toilets around the world. Now.. I dont knock ANYBODY's dreams and goals. So I tell her that is GREAT go for it. She asks me can I help her. I tell her I am not a writer or a poet. I asked her if she had pictures of the toilets already that I CAN help her get a blog together and put the info out there and get her a fan base together.. She tells me no I want you to help me write and edit. AGAIN I tell her I am not a writer nor can I help her edit but if she can get that I would be happy to put it all together online for her.. AGAIN she tells me no she wants me to write and edit and that she knows I can do it because she is a psychic and she is reading me and says that I use the computer to hide or to run from other things going wrong in my life.. I gave this chick the side eye she dont know me! Then she tells me about her healing hands.. and to come feel her energy.....

All the while neighbor faking sleep and leaving me with this crazy ass woman! So after she gives up on telling me about myself because I am clearly not paying her no mind.. she begins to tell me she wants to go to graphic design school she wants to make video games.. AGAIN I tell her thats great I wish you much success..she then asks me AGAIN can I help her with that.. I tell her there is thing called Google where you can find out anything your heart desires. I didnt mean to be cold but she was irking me like seriously and I usually have a ton of patience.. today was not the day though! So then she busts out crying out of NO WHERE about her boyfriend beating her ass ..wipes her face and then says I love to dance do you love to dance!? WTF just happened? Can anyone tell me.. was that like a bipolar moment? I am sooooo confused.. So Finally after 3 hours of this I decide im outtie.. oh of course she decides to leave when I do and asks me would I like to be her friend and she kisses me on the cheek! She says she knows i'm from the south and thats what they do down there. No chick I dont go around kissin strangers boo!  Only Me! Only I Chantel McFall goes through this lmao!!

Have a good night everyone!! 

What am I chopped liver!?

How is everyone? How was your first month and a half of 2010? Still holding onto your resolutions I hope! So I have a funny story for you. So last night I was bored and went down to this bar. So at the bar I was talking to this guy and we sat and talked for like maybe 2 hours.. So across from us is another couple who had been sitting there all night. The guy comes over and asks to speak with the guy I was sitting next to. Ask the guy if I was his girlfriend because HIS GIRL didn't think we were cause she couldn't see the connection. So he's telling me this and in my head I'm thinking.. What the hell does that mean!? Am I not cute enough? Am I that ugly? Too fat? He's too skinny? He is too hot to be with an average looking chick? I wasn't sloppy dressed or anything. Matter fact I thought I was cute (especially for someone with a horrible cold) So then the guy next to me says.. "Well..not for nothing his chick looks like a hooker hes probably paying for that" Okay so that made me chuckle.. But still my feelings were mad hurt! I guess I am not capable of catching an attractive,smart,sincere drug free man! *shrugs*

Happy Valentine's Day

Enjoy the Video!

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Happy New Year!

I know I am terribly late writing you guys. I have had a crazy month of December and things are just now getting back to normal. Although that too shall change in the next couple of weeks. So much has happened since the last time I posted to you guys. I have had a great time in Charlotte as well as NY/NJ. I even got STUCK up North due to a blizzard

Yeah..that was fun.

But overall I had a great time with friends as I always do. I really enjoy this area (other than the snow). Theres so much to do! I never get bored up there at all. Some say if i move up there that will change. Well.. it might because normally when I'm not traveling I am a definite homebody. I love to be under the covers with a nice glass of wine just hangin out. We Shall see..

So lets talk about what my plans are for this year.

1. Step my sexy up. I want to be this sexy,nice body, great smile, nice legs Vixen! Not for anybody in particular. for myself.

2. Finally working for a company that I WANT to work for and loving what I do. I want to wake up in the morning happy and excited to go to work.

3. Finally making it to Italy. My dream trip is Italy. My friend Samantha said she would go with me its all a matter of funds and getting there!

4. Working on finding my inner happiness. Before I can make someone else happy I must be happy myself. For too long I have tried to please others before myself. This has not worked and it never will. 2010 I gotta live for Chantel.

5. Attempt to go back to school. Even if it is just one class I must do it.

6. Keeping the drama OUT of my life. There will always be rough days but in 2009 I damn near gave myself a heart attack and gained most of the weight I lost in 2008 back. Not this year. Too Blessed to be stressed!

So thats my list thus far.. Plan on adding to it as time goes on. No set timeframes and some will go on way past 2010.

Talk to you guys later!