Lost..

Did you ever have an "I don't know" moment? You don't know where you are going...how to get there...where you are coming from...what to do or worst what to think?  I am so having one of those moments.. One hand there are certain aspects that I love right now about my life.. One is.. I am surrounded by GREAT people up north that I believe have my best interest at heart. I find myself not sitting in chatrooms as much and getting out.. I actually love the weekends because most weekends im not home! For this I am very happy and very grateful for.. on the other end.. everything else is a wreck.. from work to where I live etc... The thing about it is while many think I share too much on facebook and other social medias.. there are a lot of aspects of my life I don't talk about.. 1 because I don't want to deal 2..because I am ashamed and 3.. Did I say I don't wanna deal with it? I am finding though more and more.. I am pulling away.. because things are starting to crash in.. crying a lot more.. but smiling in front of everyone else.. but on the flip side i'm very moody too.. Im sure people could see that last week.. Like I said I have great friends and I know they wouldn't judge me but I don't need to hear what I already know I need to do but don't want to do it lol.. Thats the thing about life..it takes you so many places.. Its up to you on how you make it and/or deal with what is thrown your way!

Another thing.. I hate how I look.. I no longer want to be in pictures.. like this past weekend people wanted to take pictures and I didn't want to.. faking it.. then seeing the pictures and remembering why I didn't want to take a picture in the first place. I don't feel attractive at all anymore.. not in the least bit.. and its funny because i'm back working out again and that always makes me feel better about myself and thats not even working this time.. I think I am really about to have another episode where I pull away from people again..ugh hate to say it but its coming.. Maybe one day ill learn to talk about my feelings like normal people instead of keeping it bottled in.. today isn't the day though..

So this will be my one and only depressing blog.. Just needed to type :) Have a great day!